SHAME & POVERTY — A man can feel his masculine energy by penetrating the world with his gifts, being a generative force in his community – making a difference. Earning money can be one demonstration of how deeply a man penetrates with his life force.
I have felt impotent, and great shame at how little I have penetrated the world with my gifts. I have walked around as if I am a man in his early 20’s just entering adulthood instead of the man I hoped I would have been at 46 (my age) – having built a business, family, home and contributed and been a leader in his communities.
Also, I have never stood on my own two feet financially for more than just a couple of years in my adult life. I have lived often from client check to client check, gone bankrupt twice, carried enormous student loan debt, paid rent and eaten for a total of 2 years solely from the money of 2 partners, and so often had only a few dollars in my wallet.
Over the past 3 years I often did not attend a milonga (Argentine Tango dance) because I could not afford the $5-$10 entrance fee. And health insurance? – Not! I couldn’t even buy a cup of java.
During my dark night of the soul, I ferociously took on being a warrior healing me and my soulmate – but all the while in poverty. We have had to exist on food stamps, Medicaid, gifts, donations and the generosity of many community members such as our Tango community that supported us with fundraisers. And we still need so much financial support! Please help, we need it.
POVERTY TO POWER
The deep healing work Talyaa (Akua) and I (Kahuna) have taken on, has shifted our power.
I recognize I possess substantial gifts, yet only recently owned how deep my depression went, and acknowledged that my illness along with spinal birth defects and not understanding fully how food affected my body stole my life force – contributing greatly to my metaphorical impotence.
But no more, for the past year of “living cancerously” (Akua’s words) I faced and owned what has blocked my life force. I had to – Akua’s life depended on it.
FUCK THROUGH WALLS
My beloved and I saw an improv skit by a traveling troupe of improvisational artists that channel the great playwright David Mamet. The main theme and line spoken as men expressed their power in the skit became “I can FUCK through walls”
This past year I have moved mountains and fucked through walls!
Now, something FANTASTICAL this way comes … In 2 days …