TalyaaLiera, my beloved soulmate and wife, has satisfied doctor’s conditions to be released from the hospital as of yesterday – eat solid food, walk around on own and manage pain with oral meds. All of our exhaustive work to reclaim health has paid off – today we go home in less than 48 hours after a craniotomy!
BLESSINGS IN SPECTER OF DEATH
I’m so blessed to have any moments with Talyaa. The specter of death infused my life years ago that any moment with ANYONE is all I have.
I still wake up every morning looking for a text of a heart from Talyaa in the middle of the night – as she has promised to send whenever she wakes up. If I don’t see a text by 6:30 am, I wonder if she succumbed to a seizure or something worse so I check to see if she is still breathing.
To believe I will easily have more moments is not a given. Every moment is simply precious and I revel in just being with Talyaa.
MY BACK OUT – CAREGIVER NEEDS HELP TOO
One of the choices I made a few weeks ago to help deal with everything needed to save Talyaa’s life was to stop doing my physical therapy. I’m regretting it for my back is so tight and in pain that I needed to take my heavy duty prescription painkillers (prescribed for this exact situation) to even be able to get to the bathroom in our hospital room.
I share this as a public reminder to me and perhaps to other caregivers how effin important it is to care for oneself. Now I’m going to need help to even get my stuff to the car from the hospital room and get help once we are back home.
I believe that I have let Talyaa down in having to need help. This is old programming and even though I rationally know it’s not true, I still “feel” the belief.
APOLOGY FOR SEIZURE
Some of Talyaa’s harmful beliefs came up when she repeatedly apologized for having a seizure. Talyaa and I have done a lot of deep emotional processing (through my Paradox Cure body centered approach) to work through our beliefs and emotional wounds that hinder our well being. We both believe a large factor in Talyaa doing the improbable, living 3 years vs. the terminal diagnosis of 2-4 months, is because of this deep processing.
Again, I can’t say it enough times, I have so much gratitude for all of your support- whether it has been Facebook postings, texts, donations, calls, prayers, candles lit or my favorite – a couple of friends used sex magic complete with orgasms to send us healing energy! YESSSS!
SHARE OR DONATE
We have much work to recover and conquer cancer. Please help us – share or donate to Talyaa Liera’s Quest to Conquer Cancer & Grow Big Love:
Love and hugs