HOPELESSNESS — Hours turned to days turned to weeks turned to months. For almost an entire year, what I saw and felt ahead of me was more fear, isolation, abandonment, depression, pain and debilitation, worthlessness, loss, poverty and shame, and a spiritual wasteland.

I believed my life would only get worse where all that waited was the death of my beloved, Talyaa Liera, followed by an increasing inability to care for myself.  I saw an eventuality of needing an assisted living situation of some type, because of huge personal pain leading to greater disability and lack of financial resources – an inevitable end with no hope.

In the SyFy series, Battlestar Galactica, a powerful moment around hope occurs after almost all humanity is annihilated (50 billion), and just 50,000 are left in a small space fleet with one Battlestar “Galactica” to protect. Commander Adama, the wise leader of the remaining military, witnesses the despair and lack of will to live descend upon his soldiers, his accepted family.

He addresses them and tells the remaining humanity how a few leaders in military high command knew of the secret existence of the original home of where they came from – Earth. He says he knows where this “Earth” is, and vows to take them there. We hear great elation erupt and see hugging, jubilation – a dramatic transformation from despair to hope.

He later confesses to the president of the 12 colonies (remaining humanity) that he made up the existence if Earth, explaining if you take away hope, you might as well give up right there.


I had given up on myself … I came to know hopelessness. OMG. It is way darker than I had ever imagined. I finally saw how people can take their own lives when they lose hope. I never understood until my dark night of the soul.

The only thing that kept me going was my love of my beloved – my “Earth”. I loved and so greatly cared for my soulmate that I kept traveling in my misery and hell, so I could give her the opportunity to live, even if for a few more days or weeks.

But a month ago through my experiences of Tantra in the Teacher Training and the great love my new tribe and community have given me and my soulmate, hope and something way beyond awaits …

Now, something FANTASTICAL this way comes … In 3 days …