Change is a bitch. My soulmate life partner has stage 4 cancer, and to reverse the runaway growth of cancer (weed the garden), I have fiercely uprooted my life with radical changes. I am miserable. I ache, I’m tired, foggy, depressed, low energy, uncomfortable and believe I have little to look forward to — except to perhaps really live. That seems too far away.
I am tired. Tired is a code word for anger. And I am angry — that I have to radically change my life on a forced timeline. My soulmate life partner’s cancer has made changes a MUST. Necessary. Life-and-death-consequences necessary. I protest. I resist. Why?
On Tuesday, August 7th, in a small sterile examination room looking onto I-5, an aloof melanoma medical expert told my soulmate life partner that medical science could not cure her cancer, and that she had less than 6 months left to live. I don’t buy the doctor’s world of beliefs. Her ignorance and callousness disgusted me, but also gave me massive resolve to take a stand to do what she said we could not — LIVE.
Last night at my men’s group we went around and shared our biggest fear and joy of the week. I shared my freak-out over possibly losing Talyaa to her just diagnosed stage 4 metastasized melanoma. Then with great heart I shared my joy from all the outpouring of support we have received. OMG! I did not expect community and support to show up anything close to what we have received!
On saturday, July 28th, 2 doctors in the ER told my soulmate life partner (Talyaa Tamsen Liera – aka Akua) she has metastasized melanoma cancer – stage 4. WTF! This is my journey to give Talyaa ALL of me without reservation.
Week after week I watch and listen to men share their procrastinations, complaints, challenges and broken promises to themselves AND do little that actually changes their situation, their reality. And this time I am angrier than ever. But what I am really angry at is that there is no Universal Tit, and falsely believing in the BIG TIT has prevented me from making big changes in my reality!
After being accused of wanting to ruffle feathers, one man in my men’s group spoke how angry he was that I withheld speaking my truth . He shared that because I have been around the men’s work for decades I should not pussyfoot around, but “cut” men more. Hmmmmm. Pussyfooting? Ruffling feathers? Cutting men? Sounds like a scene out of 50 Shades of Grey. How far do I go in sharing my thoughts, feelings and professional expertise?
Highly successful people are VERY PICKY people in general, and certainly very picky about how they choose! REALLY PICKY. Listen, it is your life. You get to choose most of it, so why are you not choosing most of it? Perhaps you do not know how. OK. Here is a great place to start making your life how you want it to be…
This week I finally understood on a deeper level what my first martial art instructor once told me: “You have a weak mind.” As an 18-year-old young man, that did not make sense and I thought he was just wrong. Hmmmm. I was wrong, but not for the reasons I thought. I need to put MIND into actions…
For most spiritual seekers, enlightenment is usually about the spiritual orgasm, some euphoric bliss, which is a romantic view but not what happens. I’d rather call what happens ENDARKENMENT. Endarkenment is the end to the pursuit of the spiritual orgasm, accepting the darkness of reality — a void without lies and bullshit. In this place, possibility is vast and magical.
At some point I confronted a lie that has stopped me for years — KNOWING equals DOING. It does not. And by not understanding this lie, I have procrastinated and experienced many negative consequences in my life. Why have I continued to lie to myself? I suspect that it is because I fooled myself into believing …
Every personal change and development modality I studied had aspects that thwarted people from accepting their magnificent essence. In other words, every method had ways that taught resistance. Why not cut out resistance that comes from personal change modalities and simply harness the authority that drives all healing, growth and transformation — ACCEPTANCE as taught through The Paradox Cure?